Most of my entries will be friends only from now on. My day to day posts will be locked, while my public entries are written for the general public. So feel free to browse and enjoy those as you wish.

Please just let me know if you would like me to add you. therealljidol people are always welcome to add me. Anyone else, please let me know where you found me. Friends of friends are always welcome, but like I said, just let me know who you are. It's nice to get an idea of what we have in common.

I like to keep people around who comment and aren't merely collectors. I fully expect to comment and get to know my friends. If that's not your thing, it's probably best to not add me then :)

Sooo java_fiend and I often talk about our ex's (in a "I can't believe we put up with that!" sort of way). And one thing I have to say about some of mine is that they were... interesting. I had to train one of them how to brush their teeth, shower and wash their face. And he was an adult. I'm not even kidding there, I wish I was.

It brought to mind an idea for a poll. Maybe I am just OCD about being clean (as is java_fiend thankfully. My ex used to whine if i asked him to brush his teeth since it had been a week and I really didn't like kissing someone who hadn't been near a toothbrush in forever. Then he would use my toothbrush which grosses me out followed by swiping his finger over the bristles to "clean" it when I can't remember the last time he washed his hands.

Considering I have a firm rule that toilet seat goes DOWN when it gets flushed to prevent fecal matter from flying up and onto my toothbrush, the idea of someone else's possibly dirty hands on the bristles of my toothbrush makes me gag. Yet I lived with it for years.

I'd remind him that toothbrushes were cheap, I'd often buy him one of his own. But he always said he liked mine better even as I would give him my old one and buy a new one for myself. He was the type who had to push buttons and boundaries (the main reason he's an ex), but seriously now... There's no reason for that.

But it did bring together a poll for all of you. Enjoy!


Poll #1839936
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 57

Do you shower with your SO?

Do you share a toothbrush with your SO?

Do you use the bathroom with your SO in the room?

Truthfully, how often do you brush your teeth (I won't tell your dentist)?

Do you floss?

How often do you wash your face?

How often do you shower?

Have you ever had an ex with a serious hygiene problem?

I voted for many more than this, but these were the ones that stuck out to me as my favorites.

java_fiend is going to be here in a bit, so I can't write up little bits about each and every one like I normally would for a rec list, but I really would like to get these out more and just don't have the time to write awesome reviews for each one.

Trust me, there's some great reading this week. I could list a dozen more that I enjoyed on top of this group!

Fiction:

http://alien-infinity.livejournal.com/223077.html (Explores her awesome universe some more)
http://beldarzfixon.livejournal.com/12605.html (a dragon tale like no other. Very cute)
http://copyright1983.livejournal.com/38504.html (Sexy with great dialogue and a sweet story)
http://halfshellvenus.livejournal.com/545077.html (A dark dystopian type piece. What's not to love?)
http://java-fiend.livejournal.com/418810.html (Creepy fiction... of course :)
http://similiesslip.livejournal.com/68865.html (another dragon story that is so much more than that)

Nonfiction:
http://michikatinski.livejournal.com/155546.html (deeply personal story about losing someone)
http://milk-and-glass.livejournal.com/603859.html (A really good look at how people view fat people and food)
http://notodette.livejournal.com/691222.html (NSFW. Very sexy with a funny twist at the end)

ETA: Trigger warning for mention of sexual abuse.

( Yet another entry inspired by a nightmare. )

We were sitting outside, just ready to cut the birthday cake when we heard shots down the street.

"Get inside!" My grandpa's booming voice was not needed, we knew the protocol and were already up the stairs and in the living room.

We moved to the center of the house, far away from any windows. I hid behind a large piece of furniture but could see my grandpa standing on the front porch. He made sure we were safe, but he held no fear for himself. I never understood why he chose to keep watch over his neighborhood instead of hiding away in the inner parts of the house with us.

My cousin’s 13th birthday party was ruined, and a friend of ours who worked at the convenience store across the street was shot 10 times, several of which was in the head.

**********

North Tryon, a small section on the outskirts of Charlotte. It's not a place you'd typically want to be. We were standing outside a church that was locked down tighter than a maximum security prison. The A/C unit was on the roof and covered with a cage of sorts to prevent the copper parts from being stolen.

And there we were to ask, "What is good about your community?”

The old Southern Baptist pastor stopped for a second. "What's good about this part of town these days? Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"Nothing?" This gave us little to work with on our project. There had to be something good, some type of hope.

He thought for a second before responding quietly, "The children. That’s the only thing that keeps me here, doing what I do day in and day out.”

He talked of church affairs interrupted by gunfire, the prostitution that went on amongst the bushes outside. The needles and condoms laying all around the streets and in the bushes.

We were there to find something to work with, some kind of hope, for our graduate practicum. Unlike the other groups who studied it from afar, I suggested we actually visit the community and talk to the people who lived there. It’s so different from the world most of my fellow grad students lived in... I thought it could give us some much needed perspective to work with.

**********

"They found Anthony dead in the dumpster in the alleyway".

The alleyway was right outside our back door. Mere feet away from where I had slept the night before. The grown-ups held off on conversing about it at the time but I later found out that Anthony's body was cut up and stuffed in a trash bag.

It was no secret that Anthony was a gang member, but he was also a teenage boy that we knew well. I would be sitting out front playing with my grandparents on the porch, he would stop by and ask them how they were doing. We were one of few non-colored families in the neighborhood, but it was our neighborhood just the same.

I knew of no other way of life. I remember the day I realized that my Catholic school uniforms consisted of the gang colors. I also remember the day our janitor was shot in the parking lot of our school because he confronted gang members who were graffitiing signs for a Fish Fry. There was also the time we were at recess and police cars came rushing up, officers jumping out with guns drawn on somebody the building across the street from us.

This was where I grew up; this was my home. These were my neighbors.

**********

Meeting back at our office, we sat down to discuss what we would need to do to help the people of North Tryon regain some semblance of hope and pride in their community. Plans for the city were sprawled out across the table before us as we discussed everything from the Hope VI dedicated to part of the city to daylighting the stream which we could build a park around.

Some of my team was dedicated to researching office markets versus retail, another person was dedicated to looking into apartments versus single-family homes to determine the numbers we needed of each to make our project feasible. There was our construction guy who would determine the cost of building everything. Our financial guru was in charge of our complex pro-formas to make sure we could pay for everything and still make a profit.

And finally, there was me. I was in charge of the social programs, most notably a 13 acre Hope VI grant to help with gentrification of the low-income people currently living there with the new residents likely to move in after the renovation.

My goal was to help them. How would we best serve their needs to make sure they weren’t merely kicked out of their homes and forced to find another slum to live in? How could we make their lives better? It was a question I went back and forth on a lot, it was my area of expertise and what I brought to the table.

As we doodled on the plans, I realized that the Hope VI area started across the street from the church we had visited.

"Let’s build a community center and give it to the church. They can implement programs to help the children with after school programs.”

Our financial expert pondered for a bit, "That sounds awesome, but how are we going to pay for it?”

That’s where my research had come in handy, "The Hope VI grant can pay for community centers. We don’t have to worry about it coming out of our investment at all.”

We could help our issue without bringing the bottom line down which pleased the team.

On top of that, we decided to implement an employment center that would also help people find work, and to help them find what they are good at to seek out potential careers.

"Everyone is good at something. The secret is finding that and helping them achieve it.”

My summer internship with a non-profit real estate developer taught me all about that. My boss held a Ph.D in Divinity and his dissertation was on a similar area where he researched just that. It quickly became something I felt strongly about as well.

"And a daycare center, also run by the church. To allow single-mothers in the community the ability to work without sacrificing care for their kids or leaving them to the streets.”

All of this, and the daylighting of the stream to create walking paths that connected to greenways, created a package we were very proud to present to the city, professional developers, bankers and professors. Our landscape architecture student put together amazing renderings that showed our plans perfectly. When choosing a name, we researched the history of the area and discovered it was an old mill district - hence the name we chose, The Old Mill District. Other teams were playing off the existing name of Tryon, which held a stigma to the area that we didn’t want to touch. Our chosen architecture schemes reflected that of an old warehouse district brought to life. And we included affordable housing that wouldn’t remove everyone from their home while bumping up police forces to help with the crime. Our financials were strong and the incentives I researched to pay for all of the social programs were solid.

The day of the presentation came and we were all dressed to the nines in our business suits. We showed up in Charlotte to present first. This was the equivalent of our thesis for our entire graduate career, and we were prepared. As we finished our presentation and sat down, another group high-fived us all, “You guys totally nailed it.”

As we watched the other groups present, none of them had even gone into the area. None of the them had talked to the people. And few even included ways to keep the current residents in their homes. It was all about the bottom line, the profit that could be made. Very little green space was offered up for the community, no social programs were mentioned and the district wasn’t given the life we had given it.

Our group took home first place.

**********

I realize I’m not a financial guru even though I can work on complex financial spreadsheets that would make the average person’s head explode. I’m not of the corporate mentality where I feel good about working to make shareholders wealthy. I need something more.

Only recently have I realized what I needed. Any job I dream of doing, be it a teacher, a doctor, a nurse or a therapist, has one common theme. People. Specifically helping people. My favorite job ever was an internship with a church based non-profit real estate developer. I met with the people in communities that were much like North Tryon, I went into their homes to help better their lives. I never once dreaded going into work because my job held a greater meaning.

I’ve grown up around criminals of all types, and I’ve met some that I believe are good people that have been placed in bad circumstances. Not all, of course, but I seem to have a knack for seeing the good in people and would like to use that in some way.

I’m comfortable going into places most people are not. I don’t flinch as I drive through the so-called ghettos, and had no issue accepting a job interview that would require me to drive to Skid Row in L.A. I’m a petite red headed white girl, I am very much out of place physically in these types of environments, but something brings me back again and again.

Maybe it’s remnants of my childhood, of growing up in one of the most dangerous cities in the U.S and dealing with drive by shootings and gangs from an early age that keeps me drawing me in. Whatever it is, I just know I need to find my way back.


(I am currently researching Ph.D programs where I could study Urban Planning or Social Ecology, and specifically focus on such areas as inner-city crime and how a city’s environment can shape crime and poverty. My dream would be to study an area such as Compton which would require me to actually go in and get to know the people. Because believe it or not, there is some good to be found in any community, it’s sometimes just hard to find.)

A few weeks ago I put up a post about a fundraiser to raise money for my cat and vet bills. I really have been dragging my feet on this because simply put, I hate asking for help of any kind. I hate to be a burden to my friends and I hate being needy.

But I have had people reach out to me and tell me that it's okay to do so... and that it doesn't make me a bad person. Considering how things are going recently, I really could use some help. I will be doing okay soon, my car is almost paid off (I will have my last payment in June if all goes well). But add to that my new monthly payment for my wisdom tooth removal (with insurance, it was still $510, which I have to split into payments because I don't have that amount of money saved back) and other expenses adding up... and I feel like I can never get ahead.

So here's what I could use help with. (behind a cut for those who aren't interested)

( Read more... )

Mainly, any money that gets raised will be for vet bills and my car since those are urgent. My cat's teeth are in very bad shape and it's something that could lead to her losing her teeth or even heart conditions if they don't get fixed. I love my babies and I believe when owning a pet, you dedicate yourself to giving them the best care possible. When I got my pets, I was in a different situation. I was married, supposed to be getting a really high paying job out of grad school, and it seemed like things would be good. Obviously, I am now very underemployed and single, recently divorced and trying to just get on my feet.


Now, here's the fun part. I can offer.

1) I know not everyone liked the idea of baked goods, mainly because of shipping issues. I had only meant I would make something simple, like homemade peanut butter or chocolate chip cookies, or maybe some chocolate covered peanut butter pretzel balls. Nothing fancy or hard to ship. This is still an option, but shipping costs would have to be covered. I really do love to bake for others and this wouldn't be a burden at all for me to do, promise. I have most of the ingredients on hand already and java_fiend has offered to help me with the baking. It's an activity we enjoy doing together anyway.

2) Another option is a souvenir from California. I could easily send some seashells or sand from the beach. Or maybe something more fun even. I know when I lived away from the beach, things like this were cool. I would see what I could do about sending an authentic (but cheap or free to me) souvenir from the state. Requests can be made and I can try to grant them.

3) For those that don't want anything mailed in return, I can also write a story for you. However, this will have to be after Idol is over since it consumes my writing time at the moment and I do worry about having time to do so. I would take your request for genre/topic and run with it. Or I could write a story inspired by you if that would be your request.

4) ANYTHING else you can think of. Any way I can use my talent or my time to help out, I would be glad to. I love making icons for people (nothing with moving parts or whatnot, just simple icons), but my computer makes it a bit hard. But I'd be glad to try and find some icons that you'd like. Or anything else. If you want promotion for your blog/website/business/etc, I would be glad to do that. Don't hesitate to ask.


My paypal account is kristenrericha@gmail.com.

Please leave your address and a note if you'd be interested in me mailing you anything. Shipping should be about $6-7 so make a note of that as well.

If you want my address, I will send that via PM. Gift cards to Petsmart for pet food is always appreciated as well. Or even if you have giftcards to places like Target that you won't use or just have a few bucks on them, anything is always appreciated. I don't have extra spending money and things like clothes for work and every day items like paper towels often don't get bought because I don't have the cash right now. So any little bit helps. Don't go out and buy gift cards for me, but if you have any you won't use and want to pass along, it's always appreciate.

I really hate asking for help, so please do not feel obligated by any means... and for anyone that knows me, you know that I will do everything in my power to help you as well. Never hesitate to ask <3

Thank you for reading. Feel free to spread the word if you'd like.

"You’re beautiful.” Vanessa said to the girl on the magazine cover. She just wished that she could say those words to her face and maybe, make her believe them. Then again, she thought Piper was beautiful before the transformation. Now she merely looked like Vanessa had before the procedures. But Vanessa wasn’t talking about the exterior stuff anyway.

"Who is?” A soft voice came from behind her, startling Vanessa. She clumsily tried to hide the magazine beneath the pile on the table. She knew that she no longer looked like her old self, but she feared her guilt would show up on her face to give her away.

"Uhh no one...” Vanessa thought she had the break room to herself; she didn’t know that her co-worker was standing close enough to see over her shoulder.

"Oh, Vanessa Delacroix. She is absolutely stunning,” her co-worker stammered. "I wish I looked like her...”

The girl sat down across from her and flipped open another magazine filled with pictures of starlets in bikinis and articles talking about the best and worst bodies. The photos showed bits of cellulite circled on some while highlighting the protruding ribs and bones in others.

"No you don’t”.

"Hmmph easy for you to say. While you’re no Vanessa Delacroix, you’re still gorgeous. Try being chubby and covered in freckles. No one ever tells me I’m beautiful and means it.”

Vanessa had been working with Brooke for a few month now; their friendship flourished because just like Piper, Vanessa saw a strength in Brooke that she admired. It didn’t hurt that her personality resembled the old Piper in so many ways.

"I think your red hair is stunning. And the freckles? Adorable. I wish I had more of my own.” Vanessa looked at the girl, hoping that perhaps she might get through to her.

"You know I can tell when a person is lying, right?” Brooke gave a small smile while she looked Vanessa in the eye for the first time since she’d sat down.

"Oh really?”

"Mm-hmm. They never look you directly in the eye. They stare at the bridge of your nose instead.” With that, Brooke took her finger and tapped Vanessa’s nose playfully with a chuckle. Her emerald eyes, a distinct contrast to Piper’s beautiful brown, were still very easy to stare into while she spoke.

"Well then. You should be able to see that I’m not lying. I’m staring into your eyes and I think they are mesmerizing.”

Brooke turned as her suddenly flushed cheeks gave her away. Redheads were never very good at keeping their shyness a secret, and Vanessa found it endearing.

"Whatever. I’ll never be as beautiful as someone like your name twin on the cover there.”

"Who says so?”

"Hollywood says so! Men say so! Well in my case, women... But you know what I mean.” Brooke closed the magazine with a sharp thud.

Vanessa leaned back in her chair and took in the beautiful but wounded girl before her. Brooke was curvy where Piper had been frail, but Vanessa didn't see that as a bad thing. Brooke's wavy auburn hair frizzed up on humid days. The bridge of her nose was sunburnt more often than not. Her freckles were dotted haphazardly while Vanessa’s were painted on with precision.

And Vanessa thought those so-called imperfections were beautiful. She didn't understand how one type of woman could be admired over all the others when uniqueness and imperfections attracted her. So many people had copied her own looks throughout the years that she appreciated seeing the differences between people, even if Hollywood or society didn't.

"Well what if I said they are wrong? Why can't we all be beautiful? “ Vanessa gestured wildly, her hands flying in the air to accentuate every word, "The girl on the cover, you, me... All of us. I think we are are all beautiful. And remember, you can tell when a person is lying to you... Am I lying right now?”

Brooke pulled a strand of her hair into her mouth and nibbled on it while looking down at her fingernails. Piper had once done the same thing, and Vanessa scolded her for it. This time she appreciated the vulnerable gesture

"I would say you need to get your eyes checked.” Brooke forced a laugh while rolling her eyes.

"Oh hush you! I have perfect eyesight!”

"Says who?”

"Says my eye doctor of course!”

"Whatever.” Brooke laughed, and this time it wasn’t forced. "I just wish my parents hadn’t been so poor. Maybe I could have been genetically engineered to be beautiful like cover girl there. I guess you got lucky in the gene pool, huh?”

Vanessa wasn’t sure how to respond. While she had modified her physical features a bit to fit in with regular society, she hadn’t done a whole lot. Her hair was much shorter now, just gracing the bottom of her chin, and it was dark brown instead of blonde. She had her cheeks filled in a bit and her nose made a little less perfect. But apparently she hadn’t changed enough of herself to fully fit in. Maybe it was her own vanity or notions of beauty that had kept her from doing something radical to her appearance, she thought.

"I guess so.” She mumbled softly.

"My genes weren’t too kind to me apparently...” She trailed off while once again staring at the fake girl on the cover, "I keep thinking maybe one day I’ll save enough money to have cosmetic surgery done so I can look more like her, but I seem to be getting nowhere working at this coffee shop. My folks couldn’t afford college either so I’ll never be that well off.”

"I’m sorry.” Vanessa wasn’t exactly sure how to respond. She wanted to tell Brooke that she was beautiful as is and to never get surgery; that some sweet girl would come along and fall madly in love with that face. She wasn’t sure if it would be welcomed or not though.

"I wish I could say something to make you believe me,” Vanessa said.

"It’s okay. No one has ever told me I was beautiful and meant it. I’ve kinda gotten used to it.”

"Well I mean it. I just wish you could see what I see.” Vanessa had the sudden desire to reach across the table and stroke the girl’s cheek, or perhaps to just hold her hand. Maybe it was her personality that reminded her of the girl she lost; or maybe it was something more. But Vanessa knew that she would do anything to fix Brooke but she didn’t know how.

"The strangest thing... I do almost believe that you mean it.”

Their eyes met and for a brief second, Vanessa felt things click into place. She no longer held herself back and touched the girl's hand softly.

"Hey girls, break time's over.” Their manager stuck her head in the room, "There's a line of people backed to the door all in need of their morning caffeine fix.”

The girls shared a smile before pulling their hands away.

"I guess I'll see you out there.” Vanessa slowly pulled her hand away and slid out of her chair. She made sure to look into Brooke's eyes. "Oh and for the record, you are beautiful. Very beautiful.”

She slipped out the break room door before Brooke had a chance to protest anymore.



(Another week of intersection in therealljidol and my partner this week is the awesome alien_infinity who you can read here. Our entries can be read in any order. This is another installment in my ongoing story that is tentatively called "The Princess and the Piper" because I'm goofy enough to like that name. You may read my first installment here, and my second installment here.)